Flirting !!

Boy, it's been a while since I put pen or paper ( or is it typed on comp or ..put thoughts online??) whatever it is, before I confuse myself some more before I even start writing( or is it typing?..damn I digress again!!) ok, ok the point I am trying to make is that it's been a while..nuff said and i won't confuse myself or you anymore !!

I have a confession to make..(no, its not about the threesome or something in those lines.. wherever your dirty mind takes you!!) I titled this flirting purely for eyeballs/readers/trp's/audience... whatever you call it depending on the medium you are trying to attract! It has nothing to do with the banal meaning of the word, which is to tease the opposite sex ( and sometimes same sex..these days!!) with innuendos and arousing words!. This flirting is of the different kind!. What other kind could there be?, you might ask. There is and I will explain if you are not impatient like me!. I flirt with life, living, love and finally, disaster!!Before i sound like a basket case, lemme explain!

There have been many instances when well meaning peers, friends and elders have heaped advice on me, telling me how I should/ should have planned my life better, my finances better and my life choices better! I am so tired of listening to it that I am sometimes, actually most of them short of patience and would love to politely tell them to 'fornicate off ' but then, I hold my tongue and let the bile in my throat pass (in either direction) and then change the topic after smiling benignly at their concern!

It is no surprise that all the advice has come from people who have jobs that they hate and although they go through the same amounts of stress as anyone else, they think doing a job they dont love is worth it as long as the monthly pay check is steady, the bills are paid and a percentage is put away for the kids!! Sounds sensible right?? then why the eff doesn't it sound sensible to me?? coz I am me!! (weird/mad/stupid/crazy...take your pick!!)and I live on adrenalin, the rush, the danger of the unknown, living on the edge,living for the love of my work...etc, etc!!I am no saint or hero..it's just the way some of us are wired, that's all!!

Now how could I plan anything when I have chosen a profession where I dont know what my next job is, where my next paycheck is coming from, dont know how long the highs or lows (of income and success) last?? And hey, as long as I am not asking for money from the people who advise me. what gives them the right to advise me?? I have no complaints... I can live on what I have and I can live on what I dont have , but I can live with dignity knowing that I am doing a job that I love and I look forward to doing it, Monday, Sunday , rain , snow sun or sleet!! How many people can boast of that??. The upside, when it rains..it pours!; the down side, when you are down, you are out and forgotten unless you have the dogged determination and optimism that keeps you from putting a bullet in your head and carry on cheerfully despite rejection of every kind possible?!!

I dont really know how many people can relate to this, but in the world of entertainment, you are only as good as your last project and you are only as busy as the work you are doing right now! Anything can happen, change, catapult you (up or down) with such swiftness that will make anyone's head spin! Such is the high of the entertainment industry !! The point I am trying to make is that people in the arts are people who have to be foolishly optimistic and greedily hungry for more.... not more money, but better opportunities and better chances at showcasing their talent or bettering themselves by working in elite company of stalwarts who improve their... game/craft/talent !!

For a real artiste, it is never about the money, it is all about the rush you feel when you are in the moment... performing, creating, conducting, directing etc etc !! When the times are good, things fall into place and there are people who take care of the mundane ( as in finances!!) and when the times or bad, you either dont make that much or even if you make, there isn't anyone there to safe guard your interests ( and maybe even steal from you, coz you are too busy loving what you are doing!!). So, it could go either way and as it so happens, it happens to the most of us!! If as artistes we didn't flirt with danger ( read that as putting money in something you see the world's worth in, but others dont!) flirt with love (coz we see what can be and not what is..and the motives!!) flirt with living ( no respect for time,rest, sleep and normalcy!!) and flirt with danger ( we live in the moment, not the repercussions!) flirt with disaster ( most of our lives are disasters, anyway!!) and flirt with life ( many lives have gone down the drain, but have been posthumously hailed, a la Picasso/Guru Dutt/Charlie Chaplin!)

The reason behind this scribbling is that there are second chances...

No body can predict tomorrow and for those who are seeing lows, ...this too shall pass! for those who are seeing fame, name, money and heady success,...this too shall pass! Nothing is constant in life and the best thing to do is to take everything with a pinch of salt!. Take what you do seriously, not yourself...never yourself coz you are no more than a speck of sand in a vast beach full of sand till the eye can see!! There is an Amitabh Bachan who came back from the dead (financially and career wise!), there is a John Travolta and there is a Diego Maradonna who reinvented themselves and came back with a bang!!

Artistes, performers and creators need to understand that since they have put their heart ahead of their head, all they have is their work to lead the way...to success or failure and trust me, you will see both, ...in turns! For those who haven't been recognized, dont lose hope..for those who have been up and are seeing down, reinvent your craft, your tools and come back bigger and better and for those who think they have reached a plateau of mediocrity, get away for a while and come back with clarity! Time away is always the answer.... you dont find them when in you are in the middle of the battle for survival..you need to get out and look at yourself objectively and what you have to offer... neutrally!!

I have no clue as to where I am going with all this, but all I can say is I am enjoying the rush and the uncertainty and telling others to keep the faith! and concentrate on what you do and not the results! A batsman needs to look at the ball while playing and not the scoreboard, right?? So for all the friends from the entertainment industry in one form of the other, it's ok to feel low, it's ok to feel high (elated..lest you think drugs!!)..we give our everything out there and what life gives back to us can never be bad unless we have a self destruct button inside us , (which we need to watch out for!!) coz some do measure their self worth to the love and adoration they get from fans, which is always a bad plan!!

For those who believe in what they have to offer, the time will come and all you need to do is.......hold on !! THE BEST IS YET TO COME !! Good luck and God Bless !!

P.S I have traded my sense of humor for sincerity, hope you will all forgive me! I will try not to repeat this mistake again !!

Madness !!

Since I am no internationally acclaimed writer and there would be no national calamity or catastrophe, I decided if I give you, hapless readers a break since my mind went blank for a while (like it does most of the time!!).

At this point I have a private confession to make on a public blog space..I was extremely busy and preoccupied doing something extremely important to me....nothing!! For all you people who have begun to envy my blankness, joblessness and most of all my supreme mediocrity,,,hold your horses! I enjoy (others would call it suffer,but we will conveniently ignore the logically minded people for a moment!),yes..I enjoy extremely high levels of ADD! ( for the uninformed,that is attention deficit disorder!!).

I have a hyperactive mind that is constantly doing something or the other and when I have long breaks between work, I go into a frenzy of activity...mostly the kind that will hurt me on after-sight!!. To keep myself busy, I am busy devising business schemes that are guaranteed to lose money, help friends with something that I will be conveniently blamed for pretty soon, planning movie projects that only people in Korea or Japan 'might' watch and even investing my heart in places with a 'German precision and guarantee' for failure and hurt!!

Recently I had an epiphany and probably for the first time (due to my ADD, I dont remember the last time, so for convenience sake, let's assume this is the first!!), I am sitting back and trying to take stock of my life!.My mistakes from the past and the new mistakes I was dangerously close to making...! I have decided I will not make the same mistakes and look deep inside my mind (and pretend there is a lot of depth inside!) and be still,calm and stop my 'running around like a headless chicken' sport that I like playing with my team members who are all in my head!

Phew, I have sufficiently and suitably confused all as to my delay in blogging, but that is not the point I am trying to make in this blog! To set the record straight, all my friends will vouch for my not having any ADD problems( though madness is widely suspected!). I confess to start with some humor to address a problem that is silently plaguing this nation and maybe this world!!

psychiatry is still unknown, unappreciated, undervalued specialization in medicine that we have today. Crazies and loonies is a term loosely used for slotting people when we dont understand their words and actions but it goes much deeper than that.On a lighter note...without which you might not care to read this, we are not talking the mad old woman at the traffic signal who chases you with a stick when you try to give her some change...! We are talking about normal people (on the outside) who are battling demons on the inside without understanding what they are going through and why they are going through!

Educated, affluent people with full access to a psychiatrist and his help do not like to acknowledge problems, thanks largely to the stigma that is associating with a shrink with madness and the person being ineligible for a job and marriage and normal life!!

A 55 year old man suddenly quits his job and goes in to a crippling depression, refuses to seek help;a 60 year old woman leaves husband, children and home with no clue where she is going or wants to go; a woman is hurriedly married off by the parents to a man who has heavy suicidal tendencies that she is reduced to being his guard and watchman so that he doesn't attempt it...again!; a young woman, after one year of marriage is caught trying to kill her new born!!

These are real incidents and there are many more we dont know about silently happening all around us!. Friends, if you see the signs around you, reach out and help, guide them to seek help.I dont claim to know much about the subject, but there are so many kinds of disorders that can happen to the human mind and slowly science is progressing to understand the variances and deficiency in the chemicals needed for the human brain, which the scientists have only touched the minuscule tip of the iceberg!!

ADD- attention deficit disorder, OCD-obsessive compulsive disorder ADHD- attention deficit hyperactive disorder, Bipolar behavior 1 and 2 ( mood swings ),

Chronic Depression, which needs no explanation,Schizophrenia - a multiple personalty disorder ........ so on and so forth!The reason why I brought this up is that we are not as unaware or uneducated as our elders... we need to be much more aware of this field so that we dont make the mistakes our elders did!A relative of mine was married off to a manic depressive and she still is living that hell!

On a lighter note, in the US, there is a common medication that everyone thinks is the answer to all problems...PROZAC ! So much so that it has become a joke but universal cures for all problems with a single tablet is a myth and self medication is extremely dangerous!! We as Asians have a ready made answer in comparison to the westerner! we blame it on fate or karma and we are never plagued with responsibility of actions or guilt because God is doing it all....it's never our fault!!

The average westerner believes he is responsible for his actions and feels low when he screws up, but not our Asian!! So to some degree, the Asians are lucky to have so many Gods to entrust their guilt on and sleep peacefully !!

I know this is the first time I have sounded preachy or even sane but I apologize for my lapse in madness and promise to be less in control of logic next time! :p

p.s .. any Docs out there, feel free to correct me on the medical terms!!