Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The relationship maze....!

Some are lucky, some aren't, some fake it, some compromise, some have lowered expectations, some cant hold a conversation but need a lot of attention, some don't need intellectual stimulation, some happy with fake people, some happy with false promises, some happy just between the sheets, some too closed to open up 'between the sheets', some happy that they have someone "to show" that they are happy, some are getting it on the side, some have "open" relationships, some love the drama, some can't escape, some can't accept the truth, some live single while committed, some can never be committed, some can never be lonely, some cant run, some dont know any better, some convince themselves this is probably happiness, some are scared to let go, some are scared to hold on, some dont give themselves the chance, some cant give others a chance, some have unrealistic expectations, some expect the other person to make them happy, some blame their misery on the other person, some love even when they dont like, some like but cant get themselves to love, some blame it on fate, some blame it on time, some blame it on timing, some blame themselves, some think it's never their fault, some can never see the truth, some prefer to live far away thinking and wishing 'what if' when they are needed to be 'mentally' around, some get too needy, some get too greedy, some cant see the problems inside and around, some can see only the problems, some prefer to be single because they can't forget! some are single because they cant forgive the other, some are single because they cant forgive themselves! Phew!! Where do we stand...? Wherever we do, life is tough!!
a lovely after note from a friend....
Anu Reaney and yet, we all somehow muddle along, wishing, waiting, hoping, dreaming, grabbing at the sometimes elusive, sometimes ephemeral chances at happiness, with others and with ourselves. Life maybe tough, but its all we've got and I for one am happy just to be breathing. :-)re lu

Monday, August 16, 2010

man as a woman.... !!

A man was sick and tired
Of going to work every day
While his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went

Through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put
In 8 hours while my wife
Merely stays at home.
I want her to know what
I go through.
So, please allow her body to
Switch with mine for a day.

God, in his infinite wisdom,
Granted
the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough,
The man awoke as a woman...
He arose, cooked breakfast
For his mate,
Awakened
the kids,


Sunday, August 15, 2010

Must Read ! Very Powerfully Worded. Bravo - Prakash Bajaj, Editor of Times of India.




LETTER OF THE EDITOR OF "THE TIMES OF INDIA" TO THE PRIME MINISTER OF INDIA

Dear Mr. Prime minister,

I am a typical mouse from Mumbai. In the local train compartment which has capacity of 100 persons, I travel with 500 more mice. Mouse at least squeaks, but we don't even do that.

Today I heard your speech, in which you said, 'NO BODY WOULD BE SPARED'. I would like to remind you that fourteen years have passed since serial bomb blasts in Mumbai took place. Dawood was the main conspirator. Till today he is not caught. All our Bollywood actors, our builders, our Gutka king keep meeting him, but your Government can not catch him. Reason is simple; all your ministers are hand in glove with him. If any attempt is made to catch him, everybody will be exposed. Your statement 'NOBODY WOULD BE SPARED' is nothing but a cruel joke on these unfortunate people of India.
Enough is enough. As such, after seeing terrorist attack carried out by about a dozen young boys, I realize that if same thing continues, days are not far away when terrorists will attack by air, destroy our nuclear reactors and there will be one more Hiroshima.

We the people are left with only one mantra. Womb to Bomb to Tomb. You promised Mumbaikar Shanghai; what you have given us is Jalianwala Baug.

Today only your home minister resigned. What took you so long to kick out this joker? Only reason was that he was loyal to Gandhi family. Loyalty to Gandhi family is more important than blood of innocent people, isn't it?

I am born and brought up in Mumbai for last fifty eight years. Believe me, corruption in Maharashtra is worse than that in Bihar. Look at all the politicians, Sharad Pawar, Chagan Bhujbal, Narayan Rane, Bal Thackray , Gopinath Munde, Raj Thackray, Vilasrao Deshmukh all are rolling in money. Vilasrao Deshmukh is one of the worst Chief ministers I have seen. His only business is to increase the FSI every other day, make money and send it to Delhi, so Congress can fight next election. Now the clown has found new way and will increase FSI for fishermen, so they can build concrete houses right on sea shore. Next time terrorists can comfortably live in those houses, enjoy the beauty of the sea and then attack our Mumbai at their will.

Recently, I had to purchase a house in Mumbai. I met about two dozen builders. Everybody wanted about 30% in black. A common person like me knows this and with all your intelligent agency & CBI, you and your finance ministers are not aware of it. Where all the black money goes? To the underworld isn't it? Our politicians take help of these goondas to vacate people by force. I myself was victim of it. If you have time please come to me, I will tell you everything.

If this has been a land of fools, idiots, then I would not have ever cared to write to you this letter. Just see the tragedy. On one side we are reaching moon, people are so intelligent; and on the other side, you politicians have converted nectar into deadly poison. I am everything Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Schedule caste, OBC, Muslim OBC, Christian Schedule caste, and Creamy Schedule caste; only what I am not is INDIAN. You politicians have raped every part of Mother India by your policy of divide and rule.

Take example of our Former President Abdul Kalam. Such an intelligent person; such a fine human being. But you politician didn't even spare him and instead choose a worthless lady who had corruption charges and insignificant local polititian of Jalgaon WHO'S NAME ENTIRE COUNTRY HAD NOT HEARD BEFORE. Its simple logic your party just wanted a rubber stamp in the name of president. Imagine SHE IS SUPREME COMMANDAR OF INDIA'S THREE DEFENCE FORCES. what moral you will expect from our defence forces ? Your party along with opposition joined hands, because politicians feel they are supreme and there is no place for good person.

Dear Mr Prime minister, you are one of the most intelligent persons, a most learned person. Just wake up, be a real SARDAR. First and foremost, expose all selfish politicians. Ask Swiss banks to give names of all Indian account holders. Give reins of CBI to independent agency. Let them find wolves among us. There will be political upheaval, but that will be better than dance of death which we are witnessing every day. Just give us ambience where we can work honestly and without fear. Let there be rule of law. Everything else will be taken care of.

Choice is yours Mr. Prime Minister. Do you want to be lead by one person, or you want to lead the nation of 100 Crore people?



Prakash B. Bajaj

Editor Mumbai-Times of India


Thursday, August 5, 2010

hormones of a growing up geek! (part 1)

Ok, I am back!! Not with any intelligent, interesting,topical, mind blowing, mind boggling, brain numbing(maybe out of boredom!),life changing,path breaking, or thought provoking reading material, but my usual nonsense which might bother some, irk some,anger some, offend some, insult some, shock some and if I managed to do all that, I am blessed, happy and content!. Thank you ! :p !
The heading is purely for my own entertainment and to make sure you read this drivel ! I am taking you back to my childhood years of confusion and gradually going to lead you on to my growing up years of confusion and ultimately to my grown up years of..........confusion!! What is he talking about...you might ask?(as you always must wonder!), but ask any boy growing up about girls and hormones and he will definitely be confused! Actually, ask any man about women and he will be confused too!!
Coming to the point (isn't 'coming' the point?!, but I digress, like I always do!) This is about my childhood and my growing years and my brush with adolescence, insecurities,crushes, romance, manhood and all that nonsense that nobody wants to talk about!
Since no one wants to, I am here, the knight in 'rusty' armour, dying to talk about shit you dont wanna hear about, talk about and acknowledge!!
I was about 8 or 9 when I came face to face with what sex!(noooooo, not in person, you perverts!!). I was taken to a premiere of a film by my dad since I hounded him to take me to the beach and he had no time for an evening in the beach with a little twerp who had an appetite of a rhinocerous and the retaining power of a sparrow! Instead of feeding me and having me throw up all the way back, he decided to take me to a movie premiere to spare himself my nonsense! He told me it was hero Krishna's film and I was so excited since he did a lot of action/cowboy movies then and was looking forward to some good old asswhupping by the hero to the goons with the outdated 'dishum dishum' sounds !!.On reaching there, the friend who called my dad to the premiere was shocked on seeing me and whispered something to my dad and my dad said , he's a little kid, he wont understand! Such fateful words they were!, mostly because it was an 'ADULTS ONLY' film and it was about a man's affair with his maid and how his wife deals with it(which was the boring part for me!!). I was completely mesmerised at the hero forcing himself on the maid and the maid after a while agreeing with moans of yes... which made me understand it was all agreeable to the girl and the hero and both were getting it on! (they were biting each other and smelling each other a lot, probably since kissing was a big no,no!) and what they were getting it on became a source of mystery for me since then on !!
So, the ever inquisitive mind of yours truly went off to find out what they were upto and proceeded to ask my friends at school and one 'whispered to me' that it was 'sex' after looking here and there..lest anyone would listen and from then on, it became a habit for me to whisper that word!(like most Indians do, I guess!!). One other wise friend told me that a man has to sleep on top of a woman and she would have babies!! I was shocked and wondered if thats how I came about into this world?!( though the thought of my dad with my mom made me lose my appetite for a day before I decided never to include my parents and sex in the same thoughts!! Another intelligent friend told me that a man kisses a woman and babies were born!. Here i was wondering what they were doing on top of each other and these friends of mine were talking about babies!! I failed to see the connection till another friend told me that anything you did with girls resulted in babies!!.That killed my curiosity for a while ( about babies,..not about sex!!)
I still kept checking out magazines and pictures/posters for any clue of 'sexing' or any such thing, but in the days of no TV and no reading material allowed in the house apart from school books and cartoons, it remained a mystery to me for a long time!!
All was going well till i was thrown into a co-ed school and the whole world changed for me! I encountered girls!; these alien creatures who threatened my very existence by shattering my calm, content and eventless life of substandard grades, bad knowledge of English and limited knowledge of everything you could think of!!.They all sat in front of the class, they all got good marks and were the first ones to raise their hands when a question was asked and even answered correctly! The intelligent boys decided to hate them for upstaging them, the brash boors decided to hate them for acting so superior, the average, almost passed boys (like me!) decided to hate them because the girls ignored us...so basically we were on one team/side/planet and they were on the other! (Anything you dont understand, you hate..is human tendency, which I learnt later on !!)
My reading started with comics and then on to Enid Blyton (Famous Five and Secret Seven!) and then on to Hardy Boys which had nothing to offer apart from plain excitement, no mystery to unravel as far as girls were concerned!. It didn't help much that all the boys kept them at arms length, vary of their intelligence,their studious nature and their hushed conversations which the boys always attributed to their plotting against the boys to upstage them! Suddenly one day a friend of mine pushed something into my bag and said, 'this is for you'..if you get caught, dont say my name! I had no clue what it was and since I was too young and/or dumb to wonder about drugs and contraband, I went home in eager anticipation about what it was! at home, in a quiet corner( I didn't have my own bedroom) of my bed which was in a corner of the room where my aunt slept, I gazed upon the stash!.It was a book called Nick Carter and it was about a secret agent and his adventures.I didn't think much of it, but proceeded to read it as a fantasy till I came to his exploits with women..it was graphic, detailed and intoxicatedly erotic !(all to me since if you read it today, it would be nothing much!) .i discovered sex!! I had all the answers, finally!! I read, reread it a million times and was happy that i finally found the answers i was looking for!(or so i thought!)
Now, with my new found knowledge, I entered the school the next day and started looking at the world (and girls!) in a new light!. Suddenly these strange creatures started to go from 'stay away enemies' to 'not bad' to 'gotta find out more about them'
status !. I confessed to my friend ( the bootleg/smuggler/dealer of the infamous book!) that girls are not so bad and he looked at me wolfishly and smiled!, saying 'I got some more books, with pictures!!'. I almost had a heart attack (if it was possible for a 11 yr old to have a heart attack over porn!) and greedily nodded my head up and down, as if to say yes, all the while gulping and wide eyed with excitement.he said soon!, with an all knowing smile and proceeded to take his Nick Carter and ran off, leaving me in dismay at having lost a treasure !
This is about the time that the infamous 'hormones' starting kicking in at the wise old age of 12! (for me and the rest of the class, which I figured later!).Suddenly the boys chins became darker, the upper lip became darker (for the boys as well as some girls!!).lo and behold, the girls suddenly looked fairer, feminine, walking funny(hips swaying, which I couldn't figure out then!),their highpitched giggles was something i would wait to hear
and the flowers they wore on their pony tails or long braids suddenly seemed intoxicating! As it is my day dreaming kept me out of class(mentally!) till then, now this distraction just wouldn't let me concentrate on studies, school and my ordinary life!.It seemed to me that suddenly all boys wanted to talk about was girls and were busy exchanging books of raunchy stories and since I had nothing to exchange with (since I was banned at home from buying any book with romantic pose on the cover!)!.I had to contend with Archie comics and ogling at Betty and Veronica ( I was even willing to fantasize about Ethel, imagine how desperate I was!!) How I managed to get passing grades and stay under the radar(from being expelled!), God only knows !!
This is when something physical started happening to me...down south!! A stirring in my loins, to say the least.....! something that scared, shocked, astonished and petrified me since there was one body part that I thought belonged to me and it was telling me clearly that it would listen to no one!! It kept bothering me at all the wrong times and I was embarrassed to get up most of the time, not knowing if I can share this info with anyone, whether something was wrong with me and if the problem was mental or physical since it was an equal opportunity culprit, bothering me at visual imagery and imaginary imagery !!.Every girl looked fine and every woman looked sensual!.I was going through hell since I couldn't talk to anyone about it and by the time I was thirteen, I decided to 'take the matters in my own hands'!!
PART DEUX COMING SOON.....if you like this !!!