The heading is purely for my own entertainment and to make sure you read this drivel ! I am taking you back to my childhood years of confusion and gradually going to lead you on to my growing up years of confusion and ultimately to my grown up years of..........confusion!! What is he talking about...you might ask?(as you always must wonder!), but ask any boy growing up about girls and hormones and he will definitely be confused! Actually, ask any man about women and he will be confused too!!
Coming to the point (isn't 'coming' the point?!, but I digress, like I always do!) This is about my childhood and my growing years and my brush with adolescence, insecurities,crushes, romance, manhood and all that nonsense that nobody wants to talk about!
Since no one wants to, I am here, the knight in 'rusty' armour, dying to talk about shit you dont wanna hear about, talk about and acknowledge!!
I was about 8 or 9 when I came face to face with what sex!(noooooo, not in person, you perverts!!). I was taken to a premiere of a film by my dad since I hounded him to take me to the beach and he had no time for an evening in the beach with a little twerp who had an appetite of a rhinocerous and the retaining power of a sparrow! Instead of feeding me and having me throw up all the way back, he decided to take me to a movie premiere to spare himself my nonsense! He told me it was hero Krishna's film and I was so excited since he did a lot of action/cowboy movies then and was looking forward to some good old asswhupping by the hero to the goons with the outdated 'dishum dishum' sounds !!.On reaching there, the friend who called my dad to the premiere was shocked on seeing me and whispered something to my dad and my dad said , he's a little kid, he wont understand! Such fateful words they were!, mostly because it was an 'ADULTS ONLY' film and it was about a man's affair with his maid and how his wife deals with it(which was the boring part for me!!). I was completely mesmerised at the hero forcing himself on the maid and the maid after a while agreeing with moans of yes... which made me understand it was all agreeable to the girl and the hero and both were getting it on! (they were biting each other and smelling each other a lot, probably since kissing was a big no,no!) and what they were getting it on became a source of mystery for me since then on !!
So, the ever inquisitive mind of yours truly went off to find out what they were upto and proceeded to ask my friends at school and one 'whispered to me' that it was 'sex' after looking here and there..lest anyone would listen and from then on, it became a habit for me to whisper that word!(like most Indians do, I guess!!). One other wise friend told me that a man has to sleep on top of a woman and she would have babies!! I was shocked and wondered if thats how I came about into this world?!( though the thought of my dad with my mom made me lose my appetite for a day before I decided never to include my parents and sex in the same thoughts!! Another intelligent friend told me that a man kisses a woman and babies were born!. Here i was wondering what they were doing on top of each other and these friends of mine were talking about babies!! I failed to see the connection till another friend told me that anything you did with girls resulted in babies!!.That killed my curiosity for a while ( about babies,..not about sex!!)
I still kept checking out magazines and pictures/posters for any clue of 'sexing' or any such thing, but in the days of no TV and no reading material allowed in the house apart from school books and cartoons, it remained a mystery to me for a long time!!
All was going well till i was thrown into a co-ed school and the whole world changed for me! I encountered girls!; these alien creatures who threatened my very existence by shattering my calm, content and eventless life of substandard grades, bad knowledge of English and limited knowledge of everything you could think of!!.They all sat in front of the class, they all got good marks and were the first ones to raise their hands when a question was asked and even answered correctly! The intelligent boys decided to hate them for upstaging them, the brash boors decided to hate them for acting so superior, the average, almost passed boys (like me!) decided to hate them because the girls ignored us...so basically we were on one team/side/planet and they were on the other! (Anything you dont understand, you hate..is human tendency, which I learnt later on !!)
My reading started with comics and then on to Enid Blyton (Famous Five and Secret Seven!) and then on to Hardy Boys which had nothing to offer apart from plain excitement, no mystery to unravel as far as girls were concerned!. It didn't help much that all the boys kept them at arms length, vary of their intelligence,their studious nature and their hushed conversations which the boys always attributed to their plotting against the boys to upstage them! Suddenly one day a friend of mine pushed something into my bag and said, 'this is for you'..if you get caught, dont say my name! I had no clue what it was and since I was too young and/or dumb to wonder about drugs and contraband, I went home in eager anticipation about what it was! at home, in a quiet corner( I didn't have my own bedroom) of my bed which was in a corner of the room where my aunt slept, I gazed upon the stash!.It was a book called Nick Carter and it was about a secret agent and his adventures.I didn't think much of it, but proceeded to read it as a fantasy till I came to his exploits with women..it was graphic, detailed and intoxicatedly erotic !(all to me since if you read it today, it would be nothing much!) .i discovered sex!! I had all the answers, finally!! I read, reread it a million times and was happy that i finally found the answers i was looking for!(or so i thought!)
Now, with my new found knowledge, I entered the school the next day and started looking at the world (and girls!) in a new light!. Suddenly these strange creatures started to go from 'stay away enemies' to 'not bad' to 'gotta find out more about them'
status !. I confessed to my friend ( the bootleg/smuggler/dealer of the infamous book!) that girls are not so bad and he looked at me wolfishly and smiled!, saying 'I got some more books, with pictures!!'. I almost had a heart attack (if it was possible for a 11 yr old to have a heart attack over porn!) and greedily nodded my head up and down, as if to say yes, all the while gulping and wide eyed with excitement.he said soon!, with an all knowing smile and proceeded to take his Nick Carter and ran off, leaving me in dismay at having lost a treasure !
This is about the time that the infamous 'hormones' starting kicking in at the wise old age of 12! (for me and the rest of the class, which I figured later!).Suddenly the boys chins became darker, the upper lip became darker (for the boys as well as some girls!!).lo and behold, the girls suddenly looked fairer, feminine, walking funny(hips swaying, which I couldn't figure out then!),their highpitched giggles was something i would wait to hear
and the flowers they wore on their pony tails or long braids suddenly seemed intoxicating! As it is my day dreaming kept me out of class(mentally!) till then, now this distraction just wouldn't let me concentrate on studies, school and my ordinary life!.It seemed to me that suddenly all boys wanted to talk about was girls and were busy exchanging books of raunchy stories and since I had nothing to exchange with (since I was banned at home from buying any book with romantic pose on the cover!)!.I had to contend with Archie comics and ogling at Betty and Veronica ( I was even willing to fantasize about Ethel, imagine how desperate I was!!) How I managed to get passing grades and stay under the radar(from being expelled!), God only knows !!
This is when something physical started happening to me...down south!! A stirring in my loins, to say the least.....! something that scared, shocked, astonished and petrified me since there was one body part that I thought belonged to me and it was telling me clearly that it would listen to no one!! It kept bothering me at all the wrong times and I was embarrassed to get up most of the time, not knowing if I can share this info with anyone, whether something was wrong with me and if the problem was mental or physical since it was an equal opportunity culprit, bothering me at visual imagery and imaginary imagery !!.Every girl looked fine and every woman looked sensual!.I was going through hell since I couldn't talk to anyone about it and by the time I was thirteen, I decided to 'take the matters in my own hands'!!
PART DEUX COMING SOON.....if you like this !!!
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